Kira: Confessions of the Clinically Unwell
by Erizawa Hoshi
Summary: It's White Day. Kira has spent so long mooning over a certain person that he is quite out of step with reality. Can his friend help him overcome his crippling nerves? Or will he just end up alone like always? Kira x Hisagi, sexual hintings.


**Notes: **Firstly, this is a sort of alternate POV for Ayame and Ayano's fic Agony Aunt Abarai. You totally don't have to read it, but it would make a certain character's appearance at the end a little more believable.

So, just a little drabblette I wrote for White Day. I finally managed to get one done. I would have had it posted before midnight but my f$!g sister was hogging _my_ computer and I am not allowed to hit her with a chair.

So here it is, Kira x Hisagi in case you hadn't guessed. There is some implied sex at the start, but nothing else later on…

oooo

"Ahhh, Hisagi senpai, it's cold!"

The blonde shinigami writhed and moaned under his lover's touch. Shuhei grinned and dipped the spoon again, another dribble of smooth white ice cream ran down the younger man's stomach. Kira whined again and smiled.

"I love you, Hisagi senpai."

A knowing smile crossed his senior's face.

"Happy White Day Izuru…"

"_Izuru?_"

Kira's jaw slid off his hand and smacked painfully into his desk.

"Day dreamin' again Izuru?"

"Uh… no Taicho! Of course not."

The young Fukutaicho blushed and returned to his work. Why did he keep drifting off like this? Had Ichimaru guessed what he thought of every second of the day? He shivered. Kira had often suspected that his captain could read mind. This would be a bad time to find out.

He didn't know why this was affecting him so much. It wasn't like White Day meant anything to Hisagi. Valentine's Day had been the same, several days of anxious fretting, followed by a heart stopping 14th of February in which _nothing happened_ and another month to get over it. By the time March 14th swung round again the poor pale vice captain was a veritable quivering wreck.

'But why should this be any different to Valentine's?' he thought shrewdly. 'You waited and waited and you got nothing. Hisagi senpai has bigger fish to fry. But then again… he's not a girl. Why _should _he give me anything for Valentine's?! But… nor am I! What is the etiquette if neither of you are girls? Oh _Kami_! Have I missed my chance? He won't get me anything because I got _him_ nothing! Ahhhh! My life is over.'

Kira breathed heavily. This was becoming a severe problem for him. If _Taicho_ was noticing slips in his work then something had to be done. They had known each other years, when had he started to feel this way; since they became vice captains? Since they became shinigami? Since the academy? But why the hell was it really getting to him now, of _all_ times!

'I guess I'm just lonely.'

That realisation hit him like a car wreck. How many times had he been on a date since the academy? A look of cute frustration crossed his face as he tried to work it out. Does that include group things? Does Hinamori count? What about if they paid?

None? He hadn't been on a _single_ date! A black cloud hung over his head.

'Oh… I guess I _am_ lonely.'

Is that why he did nothing but think of Hisagi? Is that why every time a lovey dovey holiday came around he always felt so out of the loop, so ignored? It wasn't like he didn't enjoy White Day, there were girls, friends, colleagues who he could give presents to, and every year Renji got him something as a joke.

'It's 'cause you're a girl Kira!' he'd always say.

He pouted at these thoughts and then balked.

'_Hinamori!_'

Every year he got her a little something, they weren't as close as they had been once, but on Valentine's she makes him chocolate and they talk like old friends for a while. But he'd left her present on his table. Now he'd have to go all the way back and get it before going to 5th and he'd be really late to go visit Renji and his whole day was ruined!

Kira sighed, slipped his unfinished paperwork into his desk and despondently wandered back to his apartment. He re-ran his problems in his mind until he thought he was about to be sick. Perhaps Hinamori chan would have some advice, she had always been willing to listen to his problems in the past. She had a way of giving a sympathetic ear, no matter how incoherently upset you were…

The office was bright and warm when her old friend walked in. Hinamori smiled and poured the tea. She noted how out of sorts he seemed. He noticed the white camilias on her desk. She sighed dreamily, stroking one soft pale petal with a loving finger.

"Aizen Taicho…"

Kira rolled his eyes, he didn't need to hear much more. He knew how devoted she was to her captain and he was an amazingly nice guy and all, but he wondered whether Hinamori was deluding herself about his feelings for her…

'Oh Kami, just like me…' he thought. Hinamori is lovely, but she's just as loony as I am. There's no way she'll be able to give me sensible advice about my life. What if Hisagi just thought of him as a friend of colleague like Aizen Taicho? What if _he _thought Kira was a loony?!

'What if he hates me?'

Kira hung his head. That _must_ be it! Hisagi hadn't smiled at him in weeks. He'd smiled at Abarai kun, he'd smiled at his captain. They hadn't spoken since the big Christmas party and that was only a few stolen words. Thoroughly demoralised Kira made a mild excuse to his old friend and decided straight away to go and visit Renji.

'Renji will know!'

It was a long slog to Renji's apartment and much later than he had meant to visit. It had been ages since he's just shown up at Renji's place without prior warning. What if he was out? He knocked hesitantly on the door.

"R-renji? Are you there? I'm sorry….to disturb you….may I come in?"

There was no answer. Oh dear lord, if he isn't there I shall just _die_! Hisagi quite obviously hates me, this will just be another sign to indicate that I shall die alone and unloved and…

The door swung open with an air of casual nonchalance. The sight of his old friend just stood there, brought back a flood of memories. Good times in the academy. Watching Hisagi train with the older boys during weekends. The night they were all rescued. Graduation. It was far too much for one shinigami to take. Kira fell weeping into Renji's arms, too overcome to even realise what he was saying. Renji was always a comfort when these things went wrong.

"Bloody hell, man, what's wrong?"

Kira couldn't help it. He didn't care who heard now.

"Hisagi hates me," was all he could manage before a fresh wave of ridiculous tears came.

"Oh..Kira…"

"I can see it in his eyes," saying it outloud, seemed to validate his feeling so much more. Perhaps Renji could find a way to prove Kira wrong…

"Look I'm sure…" Renji looked away awkwardly. The younger man's world came crashing down. This was it. If Renji, the most down to earth guy he knew, agreed there was no hope suicide was his only option, he wailed again,

"We'll ever go out...he doesn't…..Oh….Rennnnjiiii…"

His tears were met with affectionate hugs. Why was Renji so good to him? When he was so obviously destined to never _ever_ find love? Renji looked him in the eyes,

"Kira, look. You have to go get him if you want him. There's no harm in asking. He says yes then it's all good, he says no then you're in the same position as ya were before. Right? It's fifty-fifty."

The blonde young man sniffed and blinked at him. Is that… true? He supposed that sounded logical… they hadn't spoken in so long, it wasn't like he'd lose anything else. He had nothing left to give.

"I don't know..."

"Go on." It wasn't a suggestion.

Renji's can-do attitude was having a positive effect of Kira's self esteem.

"Really?" Could it really work?

'If he rejects me I've lost the chance to ever be with him…'

"Yeah! Yeah…"

"Um..OK…."

'You aren't with him now, and you never will be unless you just try!'

"Whatcha hanging around here for then? Go get 'im!"

Renji winked one black eye at Kira who took it upon himself to race out the door to find Hisagi, not even remembering to thank his friend for the inspired pep talk.

'Abarai is so good to me. He really listens to what you have to say… this could work, if I approach it positively, who knows what might happen!'

oooo

An hour later, Kira adrenaline high was crashing. He couldn't find Hisagi anywhere. 9th squad said he'd left not long before Kira arrived. Was he avoiding him? It had been such a stressful day and he didn't know how much more of this he could take. On the verge of nervous tears, he found a tree and collapsed under it. The sharp March sun beat down on his face, he shut his eyes and sighed.

"This was all just a big fuss over nothing wasn't it?"

A shadow crossed his face. Kira would have snapped at whoever it was and tell them to leave him alone in his own personal hell, but they spoke first.

"Hey"

It was almost a whisper but the despairing shinigami leapt up like he'd been stung. It couldn't be!

"Hisagi senpai!"

The older vice captain smiled ruefully.

"Ummm… I've been looking for you for ages. I've… kinda got you something."

Kira just stared at him. Was he blushing? He seemed totally awkward in this conversation. All previous thoughts of being hated and rejected were gone. All logical thought tended to evacuate whenever Hisagi was nearby. He simply gazed up at him, not quite sure if this was real or not. The younger man was vaguely aware of a small white package being placed in his hand and a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Happy White Day Izuru."

And he was gone with the only thing to remind him of the glorious moment that had passed being the small, perfectly white box in his trembling hands. Whatever it was, it would have to wait. Kira _had_ to run very fast and thank whatever God was mad enough to make Hisagi love him back.

'Oh Kami thank you!'

**Notes:**I apologise again. It is late and I am quite tired. Any typos I shall blame on the moth people. Kira in this is almost entirely based on me. Hence why he spends so much time in his head. He is pretty quiet so that's where he lives, that's where all quiet characters live. You know the drill R & R, be lovely for you to slate my subconscious.


End file.
